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Email from my friend Barack

September 28, 2011

I received an email from the president yesterday.  Yep, sure did.  And he signed it “Barack” like he and I are first-name pals.  This is either a sign of my growing importance in world affairs or a sign of the president’s growing desperation about next year’s election… and we all know it’s not the former.
From: Barack Obama
Friend –
I enjoy talking about fundraising deadlines as much as I imagine you enjoy hearing about them.  But this Friday’s deadline is important.  It’s a chance for us to prove how we’re different from any campaign in politics: We rely on ordinary Americans giving what they can -- one grassroots donation at a time.  This is not just a campaign. It’s a chance for each of us as citizens to organize and change the course of history.  And before we close the books this Friday at midnight, I hope you’ll become a part of it.  Please donate $3 or more today.  I’ll be calling some grassroots donors like you by phone this week, so I can say thank you.  And if I don’t call you, there’s a chance I’ll see you at dinner with three other supporters sometime soon.  Even if I don’t get to thank you personally, every single donation counts:
Thanks for doing your part,
It seems like a silly email for the leader of the free world to be sending.  First of all, the deadline and dinner things are confusing to me.  Why is there a deadline and what does my three dollars have to do with dinner?  If three dollars will buy me dinner, that’s a good deal and I’m excited but if I have to sit and eat with the Obamas, not so much.  I don’t need a lecture from Michelle about eating vegetables.

Second, even asking for a measly three dollars, the man can’t stop lying.  Barack Obama’s campaign doesn’t rely on ordinary Americans—Barack Obama’s campaign for president was financed by rich people and foreigners.  That’s backed up by publicly available statistics about the 2008 presidential election from the Federal Election Commission (FEC) and from exhaustive investigative work done by Pamela Geller at Atlas Shrugs.

Obama outspent McCain $729,482,475 to $309,221,274 and collected more than twice as much as McCain did from people who contributed $2,000 or more.  McCain relied on public financing which is money that comes from people donating three dollars at a time by checking the little box on their income tax return.  Obama eschewed public financing, got his campaign money from wealthy donors, Wall Street, big labor unions, and worst of all reaped huge windfalls from an Internet fund-raising operation that collected millions of dollars from foreign sources, much of the money coming from anonymous individuals in the Middle East.  It’s technically illegal to accept donations from foreigners but the Obama campaign finessed that issue by asking Internet contributors to check a box asserting they were American citizens—as long as they checked that box, their money was accepted regardless of where in the world the funds originated.

People never lie on the Internet, right?

In case you’re wondering, we’re not talking small potatoes here: in the month of September 2008, for example, the Obama campaign collected about $150 million.  $100 million of it was from the Internet operation.  Earlier in the year, when he was thumping Hillary in the primaries, the ratio was even worse.  In February he raised $55 million dollars and $45 million of it came in over the Internet.  We’ll never really know how much of that Internet money was foreign but we can look at the records and see thousands of donations in odd amounts, like $9.19.

“Who would donate a weird amount like $9.19?” you ask, curiosity piqued.

Well, if you’ve ever traveled, you know what’s happening with those odd amounts: credit cards automatically do the foreign exchange conversion for you.  So when some slimeball Hamas jihadist in Gaza donates a certain even amount in his own currency, say 35 shekels, to Barack Obama’s presidential campaign—hypothetically of course—the jihadist slimeball’s credit card automatically converts the amount into dollars based on the exact exchange rate for that day and that dollar amount will naturally be something odd, with cents attached, like $9.19.

When we look at John McCain’s FEC filings from the 2008 primary campaign (when he was still accepting individual donations), there are no odd amounts, just regular even amounts like $5.00, $10.00, $20.00, etc.  What does that tell you?

Today I received another email, this time from Michelle (she also considers me a first-name pal), and she cleared up the confusion about dinner.  Apparently, donating three dollars automatically enrolls me in a lottery for the chance to eat with them.  So, basically, they’re raffling off the president to raise money.  Weird.
Friend --
Not everyone knows how to prepare for a dinner like this.  As someone who’s eaten countless meals with my husband, I want to tell you the one thing to do if you’re selected to join him...  Just relax.  Barack wants this dinner to be fun, and he really loves getting to know supporters like you.  I hope you’ll take him up on it before Friday’s deadline.  Will you donate $3 or more today and be entered to have dinner with Barack?  These dinners mean a lot to Barack.  They’re a chance for him to talk with a few of the people who are driving the campaign -- and a chance for him to say thank you.  So come prepared to tell your story, and say whatever’s on your mind.  Don’t miss the opportunity to be there.  Donate $3 today, before the September 30th deadline:
Tell you what, I’m drawn to that sentence in the middle: “So come prepared to tell your story, and say whatever’s on your mind.”  That might be an interesting dinner.  Barack, Michelle... and me saying whatever’s on my mind.  Can you imagine?

Maybe I’ll send them three dollars.

From Reno, Nevada, USA       

September 29, 2011 - Gee I am jealous... neither Barack nor Michelle have ever sent me an email... I would definitely send back $3... it would certainly give you tons of material to write about or share on your radio program... go for it!! - Mary from Silver Lake, Michigan

September 29, 2011 - Please tell me this is via your personal email, not through your work email as... - HardCase, Michigan
J.P. replies: Yes, it was my personal email.  I know what you’re thinking.  This president seems like the type who would engage in personal retribution if he knew where I worked.

September 29, 2011 - Don't send the bastard (and I mean that literally) a dime. - Pete, Indiana

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